Wednesday, January 21, 2004
3:08 AM
At times I wonder how is he right now, whether is he fine or not, or u know, whether does he still thinks/acts the same way or etc, and I often ask myself why. Why do I still bother?
I am not in a position to care, to even think about it or etc, but at times, I just couldn’t helped it. I still would like to think that we are still friends. It’s not to say that the relationship between us was long, cuz it’s actually very short and it frightens me at times to see how deep the wound is.
I hated it when I feel this way, and then I would start to say that ‘nooo … it’s probably because I still haven’t find anyone yet’ and I knew that I am in a wrong to say that. That’s a shitty reason to begin with.
But then when I do like someone else, I was relieved to know that my wound has finally healed. I’ve stopped thinking about him, I’ve stopped wondering and all, as I thought that I have finally found someone else who could be better. Unfortunately, things couldn’t work out with the new guy as we are just too different. Either that, or I am just tired.
I know that my wound is healing; I know that if I were to be given a chance, I definitely will not take it, but the thing is the sad feeling is there. Though it’s mild, it’s still there.
No matter how hard I try: working, studying, playing, drinking, reading and traveling, it just wouldn’t go away. And that’s when I realize that no matter how my life goes, this sad feeling will always be there, and it will stay for a very long time.
So this is normally the time, whereby I wish that magical things do exists; or science has become so advanced, whereby I am able to do just anything to make those sad memories disappear.
So there you go, seeing me in a dream state, wishing that I would not set foot into reality again.